low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
