My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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