I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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