made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
