$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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