Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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