Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Be still, my beating vagina.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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