HIV tests are more positive than that guy
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
