chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
