broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
