im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
