I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
