My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
