john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
