Where is the hickey?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
