jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
