We won't sleep together?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
