I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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