my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
