I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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