maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
