I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
