So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
