You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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