i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
