So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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