he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
