Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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