I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize