If that was your dad, he is hot
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What a dumb baby whore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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