not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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