Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The air taste purple.
Randomize
