it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
