Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
this hospital has no fireball
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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