I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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