dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
