Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
