Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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