Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
