If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
