I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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