I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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