we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
