i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
