I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
