You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
