She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
