are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
