Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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