i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
