and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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