I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
