theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
