Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
