I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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