I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Blood and glitter go together right?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
