all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
