I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
