Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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