absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
