So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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