OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
