I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
