Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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