yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
