I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
