I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
