when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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