My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
