Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
