he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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