allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize