Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
