If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
