I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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