C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
