8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
