Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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