why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
